Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
