Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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