yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
