You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
