Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
