He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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