i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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