i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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