Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
