Pappa wants mamma naked
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
