I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
