Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
