Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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