I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
