Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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