According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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