Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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