I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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