Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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