i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
