so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
