I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
