That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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