Banned from zoo.
Again?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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