I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
