and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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