I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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