My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
