Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh god the rape fog is back!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
