Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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