when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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