The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
