do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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