We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
