Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
