just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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