I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
