I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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