just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
