update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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