like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize