HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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