as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
