you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
