Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
