Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
