she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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