He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
