I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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