Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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