i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize