We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
