well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
