I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
