allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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