Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
