my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
