By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
