I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
