a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
