Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
