We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
