omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize