don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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