In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
