You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
