I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
