all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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