Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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