Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
