You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Im part way to drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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