Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
