So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
