the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just gargled with NyQuil
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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