If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
