The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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