My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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