Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
