if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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