Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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