I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
high people should be assigned attendants
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
