The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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