I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
