if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
