whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
