Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
