how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
