Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
