I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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