so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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