You can't motorboat a personality
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
