12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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