we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
