can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just pee around me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
