No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
