Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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