But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
