if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
